That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
