I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Terrible idea I love it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
