Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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