Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize