I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
