yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
