Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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