I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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