Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
