Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found puke in my bra..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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