3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
