also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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