Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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