ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
