apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
