he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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