Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
