...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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