he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
