The maid of honor just puked.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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