I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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