Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
