put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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