Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
