And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
