Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
