Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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