I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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