Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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