hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
