I need to stop coming to work sober
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
