i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
