so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
