I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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