Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
