i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
