My room smells like vodka and shame
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
