i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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