I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
