He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
