North Korea, Best Korea!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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