i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
