I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
