M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
