"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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