all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
