Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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