id be glad to
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
