ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize