Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize