The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
