Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
