my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
