I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize