There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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