You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
