Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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