Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I need to align my fucking chakras
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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