I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
