do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
