Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
