So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They are going to name an STD after you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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