Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
