We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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