I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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