Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
