Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
