my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the liver wants what the liver wants
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
