I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
