Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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