Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
