On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
