I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
