I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
