my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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