He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
