Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
