i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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