But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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