My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
