I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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