Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize