there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
