Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
