Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
