Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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