i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
