I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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