If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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